just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
