I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
