A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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