i was born a porn star she said
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
