K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
