this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
