I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Is it penis luge time yet?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize