btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
