so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
