Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.