He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.