omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
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Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
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What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids