the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
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she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's