I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My bed smells like the plague
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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