The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
