Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
im six kinds of drunk right now
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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