Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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