whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize