We're facebook friends in real life
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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