I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
