My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
