I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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