the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize