So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
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