My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
cat food counts as protein by the way
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
