I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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