see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
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You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize