I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
