Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
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If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
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So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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