lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
