So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
