DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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