Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
