If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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