that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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