Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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