...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
