i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
