Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
