omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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