So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
