Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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