i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
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