she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
