ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The power of my boobs compel you
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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