Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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