They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
