then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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