Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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