I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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