You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
