i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
