Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
