Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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