She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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