just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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