Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
