I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
