Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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