the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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