i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
