Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
