On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
