he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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