I want to walk on stilts...naked
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
